Too Long ...

Well, I'm at the computer and the little guy is asleep early, so I decided to update our blog. Things have been pretty eventful since our last entry. Lots of new stuff going on.

Tristen is now 15 months. Unbelievable! He is walking quite a bit, but still drops and crawls when the Frankenstein walk isn't getting him where he needs to go fast enough. But, last week he was mostly crawling, so I figure by next week he'll be mostly walking and by the following week he'll be mostly running. It is difficult keeping up with him these days. He has been saying lots of new words and understands simple commands. Like, "Tristen, stand up and walk to daddy." Or, "NO, don't touch that light socket." He's not real fond of anything that starts with "no." :) He loves his picture book. When I ask him to "show mommy" a certain picture, he looks around the page and then points to it. His favorite animal is our cat, Jack, who is yellow striped. When we're looking at the picture book page w/ the animals I say "where's Jack?" and he points to the yellow cat. He can even say "Dack, Dack, Dack ..." (Jack). He is cutting teeth, which is a monthly thing with him. Lots of new teeth. The doozy's were his back molars. Ick! He still loves bath time and we make that our nighttime routine. He is a happy and headstrong baby. We love him so much.

And then there is today's news ...

We had an extremely traumatic experience today. I'm not sure I'm even quite ready to write about it. But, given the fact that it has taken me almost two months to post a new entry, I may as well get it over with.

Tristen has been having a difficult time getting to sleep and staying asleep all night, not sure why this has happened after so many months of doing so well. Anyway, he's been waking up early in the a.m. around 3:00 or so. We've tried rocking him back to sleep, rubbing his back, soothing him in many different ways, and nothing works. After a number of weeks of interrupted sleep, we will ocassionally bring him into our bed until he goes back to sleep. Then we move him back to the crib. It's not our favorite thing to do because we don't sleep so well when he's in there with us. I'm always fearful he's going to get squished or suffocate or something horrible, not to mention he is so wiggly when he sleeps. Anyway, last night was no different than any other night these past few weeks, except Trevor was working the night shift. Tristen woke up, I brought him into our room to try to get him back to sleep around 3:00 and we ended up falling asleep until the alarm went off at 5:30. I reset the alarm for 6:30 and crawled back into bed. I awoke suddenly when I felt Tristen roll over and then I heard a loud thud and a blood curdling scream. It was 6:15 a.m. My baby had fallen off the bed onto the hardwood floor!!! Somehow he had rolled over the pillows I'd put behind him and he was on the floor. I jumped out of bed and ran over to the other side and found him laying on his back on the floor. I grabbed him and hugged him to me and tried to calm him down. Nothing I did would help. I knew he must have gotten hurt by the way he was crying. Then I felt something hit my arm. I looked at my arm and then at my hand. They were covered with blood. I screamed and ran to turn on the light and sure enough Tristen's face was covered with blood. I couldn't tell where it was coming from. I ran downstairs and started looking and when I opened his mouth I could have died. His left front tooth was gone. His beautiful mouth was swollen and bloody and he had a gash under his bottom lip. My hands were shaking when I picked up the phone to call Trevor. It took 4 tries before I actually dialed the right number. All I could say was "get home, Tristen has rolled off the bed and knocked out a tooth." Then I hung up. The next few minutes are a blur to me. All I know for sure is that I was crying and trying to figure out what to do. Should I call 911?? Do we take him to the ER??? Should I call his doctor?? By this time I could see that his tooth was gone and that a bottom tooth was crooked. I went upstairs and looked for the tooth, but it was nowhere to be found. All the while, I was so afraid to do anything but hold my little guy and pray pray pray for God to help us. I called Jennifer and asked for her advice, but mostly I just needed to hear someone's voice to help me calm down. I gave Tristen some water to kind of clean up his face and make sure the bleeding had stopped. It had. Then Trevor got home. I handed Tristen to him, showing him what happened and feeling like a complete failure of a wife and mom. He never said anything critical and was calm the whole time. Even after working all night long and rushing home not knowing what to expect. Trevor is such a great daddy. He held Tristen and comforted him while I ran around trying to get dressed. We decided not to wait for the doctor's office to open, and we took him to the ER instead. By the time we registered at the ER and were sitting in the waiting room, Tristen had calmed down enough to start make googly eyes at the lady sitting next to us. I, on the other hand, was trying hard to breath and not get sick all over the lady sitting next to us.

To make a long story short, the ER doctor checked him over and then referred us to a pediatric dentist. The dentist saw us right away and did an xray on T's mouth (which, by the way, he was VERY brave and didn't cry at all). As it turns out, his tooth is pushed back up into his gums. The doctor said it may come back down on its own, but that we really need to wait a couple of weeks and keep an eye on it. Make sure there isn't any infection. He didn't want to mess with it too much. But, at least he still has a tooth. Praise God for that! We go back to the dentist in 2 wks., so be praying that his tooth will start shifting back into position!

Now that Trevor is back at work and the shock has worn off, I'm left with a barage of emotions. I am just sick about the whole thing. That I didn't protect my baby. That by making a split second decision to bring him back to bed with me, I hurt someone who looks to me for protection. I am sad that he had to go through this experience - who wants their baby to hurt?! I feel guilty because I've been so impatient with him for not sleeping, and for keeping us up at night. But mostly, I just hurt for him. I wish I could take back my decision and just rock him for as long as he needed to be rocked. Because, in the end, what's more important than loving on and comforting your child?

For the latter part of the day he was smiling and playing, acting like he was perfectly fine. But every time he would flash that sweet smile of his, all I could see was the gaping hole where his pearly white tooth had once been. It is a painful reminder of what I could have done differently early this morning when I was irritated about being woken up.

As I rocked Tristen to sleep tonight, I just held him close and praised God for this sweet little boy. I touched his head and prayed for the knot from his fall to be healed. I prayed that his tooth would push back down to the place where it belongs, and that his smile would be even more beautiful than ever. I prayed that his little lip would heal and that it wouldn't hurt him in the coming days. And I prayed that, on future sleepless nights, my impatience would be replaced with patience, and that I would simply enjoy my nighttime visits with my baby.

So, here I sit, at the end of an extremely LONG day, thanking and praising God that this accident wasn't more serious. Thanking Him for the angels that I know were around Tristen, cushioning his fall and preventing a more serious injury. Thanking him for a husband who doesn't point fingers and place blame, rubbing salt into a raw wound. And last, but defintely not least, praising Him that, in the end, He is in control of all things and I don't have to worry about everything - I just need to trust Him.

I'm sorry for such a dramatic post. I'm sure that I will look back on this experience and remember, with great clarity, exactly how I feel at this very moment.

Please keep Tristen in your prayers when you think of him.

***** Pictures *****

Our little Linus - messy haired and holding onto his blanky. He doesn't go far without it!

I'll give you a clue as to his new favorite trick ... reserved mostly for dinnertime ...

Love to you all,

T, H & T