Professional Etiquette: 101 *RANT*

**NOTE** The following list is my way of handling a nasty work related situation. It is a "RANT" in every sense of the word. "Employee" is in fact an actual person. "Employer" is a small business owner with a heart of gold. She is generous to a fault, caring, giving, loving, a role-model, sweet as sugar, and definitely doesn't deserve to be treated poorly by an ungrateful employee who lives in her own little alternate universe where she's the queen. I have NOT disclosed names for reasons of privacy.

To the Ungrateful Employee of the Month: (A, I hope you're reading this!)

1. First of all, job hopping is a no-no ... unless you're receiving MORE pay, will have a higher ranking position, and you attempt to leave on good terms with your former employers - even if only superficial pleasantries. In the real world you will need more than 6 months of experience at each job to actually be taken seriously. No, your high school job at the local Dollar Store doesn't count!

2. Lying about other employee's conduct and work ethic to make them look bad in order to cover up your own mistakes isn't being a team player - they have a word for people like you. Shame on you.

3. When you have a problem, usually the best way to handle it is to approach a person directly instead of going behind their back to tattle to the boss - or anyone else for that matter. They'll respect you in the morning.

4. No, your bleached blonde hair, ugly tight clothes and country bumpkin accent will not help you climb the proverbial corporate ladder. Although, it could help you win a few brownie points with your male counterparts. You go girl.

5. Professional business women will never take you seriously in the business world if you continue to use your looks/body/wide-eyed country bumpkin charm and try to be "just one of the guys". (FYI: You should probably have those first two qualities if you're going to use them). Most women would use that kind of attention in their sexual harrassment suit!

6. Know a good thing when you have it - the grass isn't always greener on the other side. And if it is greener on the other side, then have enough common sense to know whether you are experienced enough to make it on the greener side. (You, my dear, do NOT have what it takes)

7. If you have a generous and kind boss that is trusting and willing to make you the manager of an off-site office, pay for your health insurance, pay for all office and advertising expenses, give you a salary if you don't make your commission above your normal salary, doesn't keep tabs on your schedule, and only requests that you produce business... KEEP THE JOB. In this instance the grass only LOOKS greener on the other side.

8. Its not always "someone else's fault." If you blow through 3 jobs and leave all 3 for the same reasons, it is reasonable to consider the problem is *YOU*. Its okay to be confident in yourself and your work, but it isn't realistic to believe you know everything, you are perfect, and everyone else around you is stupid.

9. When you write a resignation letter and attempt to use big words that you don't understand, be sure to look them up in a dictionary and spell them correctly. Otherwise you just sound like a bleached blond, wide-eyed, country bumpkin trying to use big words you don't really understand.

10. When you write said resignation letter, have the balls to give it to your employer (who considers you a friend and loves you like a daughter) personally instead of sending it to her through e-mail. You Spineless Backstabber!

11. Giving your sweet, trusting, and wonderful boss who cared about you anything less than 2 weeks notice is a professional snub.

12. Get rid of the strapless polka dot thrift store sundress - it didn't even look good on the headless manikin.

I think that's about it. If I can think of more tips I'll be sure to add them to my list. :)